---
title: The Pump Murder Manual [Tip Sheet]
description: A few weeks ago, Tom Hansen (Inside Sales Support at GPM) was digging through an old file cabinet when he unearthed something extraordinary.
---

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## GPM BLOG

# The Pump Murder Manual \[Tip Sheet\]

By Blake Kolquist on Jun 9, 2015 4:00:32 PM

Tom Hansen, our Inside Sales Support at GPM, was digging through an   
old file cabinet when he unearthed something extraordinary.

Something weird.

Something mysterious.

Something *brilliant*.

Anyone who works with pumps will benefit from this find. Not only is it funny, it makes a critically important point about the high cost of mistreating your equipment.

May we present…

**The Pump Murder Manual**

That’s what we’ve been calling it. It’s an article titled “Ten ways to murder your pump.” It spells out, in delightfully sarcastic prose, ten common things pump owners do that destroy their equipment.

Each list item is accompanied by an illustration of a hapless cartoon pump – with a very expressive face – suffering a terrible fate.

“And you won’t even have to go to jail for your dastardly deed,” the author notes in the introduction. “The only punishment you can expect is a heavy fine. That’s right. You’ll have to replace the pump, or its major components, years before you should have to.”

We think this gem of an article dates back to the 1960s. The author is listed as J.H. Biheller of Worthington Engineered Pumps, Inc. (which is now owned by Flowserve).

We are still sleuthing for details. With any luck, we’ll track down the copyright-holder so we can share the text in its entirety. In the meantime, here are the ten ways to murder your pump and a few of our favorite quotes.

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